The Snore

  • This morning after a long night of snoring from my dad, my stepmom started to complain
  • Le Stepmom: You didn't snore last night!
  • Dad: Ha! (I told him he snores so loud it's like there is a train in the house)
  • Stepmom: Are you Ha-ing for having not snored tonight when you snored last night?
  • Dad: No I just-
  • Stepmom: I know you will snore again so next time can you try to snore in a rhythm?
  • Dad: Why?
  • Stepmom: Well it would be a bit relaxing if you snored melodiously but now your snores sound like modern jazz.

Today we went to the store. We were looking for frisby golf shit. I had originally thought that we were going to go to Dick’s but noooo we had to go everywhere but the sporting goods store. While in these other stores my dad and brother would get distracted with the stupidest shit. So that a why we now have dog food.

In first, my teacher was obsessed with anything that had to do with elephants. She had tiny priceless elephant statues all around the classroom and treasured them like they were her babies. I could only imagine what would happen to a child if one of them broke something. Well that did happen and the teacher who remains unnamed went ballistic. She slapped that poor kid across his ass and was sacked. That was probably the best year of my life.